Are You Mom Enough? To not compare!
I very rarely use Pepper Scraps as a place to rant and rave, but I’ve been seeing the Times cover floating across the web. I was bothered by it.
I wasn’t sure why at first.
It was not because they showed a strange picture of a woman breastfeeding. Not because I don’t believe in attachment parenting. But because Times Magazine is trying to goad women into comparing themselves with this cover. I have not even read the article.
This is a constant fight in our lives just as women, but it even worsens when we become mother’s. We are constantly questioning what we are doing as women, how we look, how we mother our children, and our choices that we have made. Then we see the mom that is doing it better than us, she has everything down perfect (at least we think so). Then the comparing starts. If she can do it why can we not. We must be doing something wrong! There must be something wrong with us.
Weight & Body Image
I have compared myself and my body to other women. Why am I so heavy? Why is it if I even eat 1 meal a day do I weigh more than the women enjoying 3 heavy meals a day?
I have faced the fact my body is my body. If I want to be healthy and strong I have to work hard! It’s how I was made and through this battle of losing weight I have helped others!
Breastfeeding
I personally have struggled with comparing myself with other women in breastfeeding. I had low milk supply, it just didn’t work for us. The first time I hated myself and my body for failing. But the second time I chose not to compare myself to the women surrounding me enjoying breastfeeding their children. I was proud of myself for the battle I fought to make it 6 months!
Through this trial I have been able to help and encourage friends who have battled breastfeeding in their own ways. From the mom who was making her little one sick by over feeding her because she just thought she had to have a low supply to supporting many friends who just were not able to do it at all.
Mothering
A few years ago I struggled at trying to the perfect Mom. I was putting too much on myself. I saw other moms who were teaching their children to read and write. They were able to keep a perfect house, homeschool their children and seemed to have everything balanced. I started to compare my life to theirs and I struggled. I was trying to homeschool, keep house, work on my business, and work outside of the home. It was just too much for me.
Ironically I would have other mom’s come up to me, while I felt like I was failing, they asked me how I do it all. They were envious of me because I am crafty and artistic and my kids were always creating things. For me the trade out for being crafty is that I’m terrible at organizing and cleaning, I’m in a constant battle with my house.
I sat back and looked at my life last year and realized I needed to decide what works for me. What has God given me in talents and abilities that make me the Mom I should be for my kids. I also made a point as soon as I started to compare myself to another mom I would tell myself STOP!
But now the question is turned to you:
Are you mom enough to not compare?
Because the fact is you are the mom you are supposed to be and if you start to try and be like someone else you will fail!
Every Mom is Mom enough to be the mom they are meant to be.
I’m Mom enough because I want them to become strong Godly men that are leaders and filled with compassion. Everyday I tell them I love them, I hold them, snuggle with them and spend as much time as I can everyday with them.
Oh Pepper this is so good, so to the point. On a topic close to this; natural childbirth; it is one where you are holding a baby when everything is said and done!
On the breastfeeding front. Breastfeeding is difficult. We are expected to do so much, when successful breastfeeding starts with doing NOTHING but breastfeeding and holding your baby for the first month. And I’m not talking about just sitting there gazing into their faces (though you will do some of that), just being able to watch tv or read a book, or hang out online…We put all of these ridiculous expectations on mom’s and then wonder why they feel like failures.
I do homeschool (for now, next fall my two youngest want to try school). I do it because it is much easier for me. We do not do school at home. We school by teaching through out life. (yes we do have english and math books that they work through)
Your point about not comparing yourself to others is right on. Pumping pom poms and cheering in your general direction!
Thank you Jill for the Hoorahs! I forgot about the natural childbirth as I struggled with that as I had 2 c-sections. And I get enraged when people talk about c-sections and start doing scare tactics to scare the moms who are too posh to push. Because all they really are doing is hurting and scaring the moms that /have/ or /had/ to have a c-section.
I dealt with enough personal condemnation on choosing a c-section. Even though it saved my sons life I still felt guilt. When I hear moms share their birthing stories I would be sad.
But then again I turned it around and realized through my experience I could be their for other moms I know that had to make this choice. I can also be an advocate for moms who are looking at this choice and don’t have anyone to turn to that has been through it and knows the heartache no matter how much it was required.
Way to go Pepper. I have compared myself to other moms for years. The fact is I raised a pretty damn good daughter. She’s graduating College, planning on going to Grad School, has a good head on her shoulders, is kind,giving and so on. I did the best I knew how to do and usually the ones’s that seem to have everything together on the outside aren’t too together on the inside. I applaud you!
I was amazed by some of the moms that would tell me they were envious of me. Saying how they wish they could do this or that that I do, because really in my heart I was envious of them for some of the things that they were doing.
I hope that this controversy will help some women to battle this comparisons and not grow their insecurities.
I stopped comparing myself to everyone else. I’m gonna be me. I’m gonna do my thing, & if it’s not good enough well then hey, F**k you & everyone you know ’cause I have dealt with enough already & I just wanna live a life of no worries & relaxation! But video games really don’t help the situation… they get my stress levels back up there and it’s like UGH! Ok, enough nerding out on your comments, I go now 😛
Pepper! What an absolutely great post.
You are 100% correct. We as mothers always tend to compare ourself to the moms who seem to have it all together. What we fail to realize is that these moms probably don’t have it as together as we think they do. Just because what we see of them in public looks amazing doesn’t mean that their house isn’t a mess or their kids fight bed time just like the rest of us.
The best thing I ever had my said to me was from my Pastor. He told me that when it comes right down to it, my kids won’t remember the fact that I vacuumed everyday or never had any dirty laundry in the house. What will stick with them in their lives and affect them as parents are the times we dropped everything and went for a bike ride, or I surprised them with dessert before dinner. The times that I put them first.
Much love Mama! Hope you have a wonderful Mother’s Day with your boys. 🙂
This is awesome. I am a mom that doesn’t like play dates or birthday parties. I am always beating myself up because my kids don’t have parties or friends over. I don’t fit in with the moms at my kids’ schools. None of them, I try not to compare myself to their designer jeans, name brand purses and hundred dollar hair. Thank you for posting this, another reminder for me that it’s okay to be me and nothing more. I rock the ponytail and $5 flip flops like no other. LOL!